Why Your “Number” Matters So Much Yo Us
Why Your “Number” Matters So Much To Us
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Its a story we’ve all heard before:
Boy approaches girl at lupe fiasco lookalike contest afterparty. girl is charmed by boys proper use of “peripheral” when describing her booty, and gives phone number to boy. boy calls girl three and a half days later, and continues to charm girl with the type of detached emo-negro affected behavior that sistas with glasses, asses, advanced degrees, and daddy issues love more than crackheads love stilts.
Girl and boy plan date. girl is so enamored with boy that she requests boy as a friend on facebook. boy happily accepts, but is troubled when an email titled “yo…” ends up in his facebook inbox a day later. apparently, boy’s buddy recognizes girl as “easy e” –a name girl (ericka) was given while she was a sigma sweetheart in college– and warns boy that girl has been around the block more times than a mailman with alzheimer’s. boy investigates buddy’s claim, and finds that it is true. girl has actually slept with somewhere between 4 (confirmed) and 124 (rumored) guys.
Upset by the fact that girl “hid” this info from him, and relieved that he found out before he actually kissed her, boy cancels date with girl, citing “shingles” as the reason for the change of plans. disappointed girl curses to herself, and begins to write and market memoirs about her experiences as a successful and single woman.
The idea that a woman’s number – how many sexual partners shes had – greatly effects how society and (most) men will regard her has been practically embedded in our brains since birth. Little girls are taught how to properly sit down “like a lady” by their grandmothers two minutes after they first learn how to stand so that they won’t appear to be “fast”, and little boys are taught to avoid fast girls while we’re still so young that we’re still grossed out by what fast even means. This stigmatization intensifies as we age, as even an unsubstantiated rumor about a young woman’s excessive sexual activity is enough alter everything from her social status to her career arc.
Nowhere is this idea more evident than in the dating and relationship game, where men are not only given carte blanche to insult, degrade, and dismiss promiscuous women…we’re actually dissed if we don’t. The only thing worse than a ho is a captain hell-bent on saving them.
There are myriad evolutionary and physiological reasons used to explain why this mindset has been ingrained in us, but these three are cited a bit more often than others
1. Because there’s more of a likelihood that sex will do harm to a woman’s body (ie: pregnancy, an increased vulnerability to STD’s, etc) than a man’s, women who sleep around and continually put themselves in harms way have their decision-making abilities and sanity questioned, damning traits for anyone hoping to be a mother.
2. Only in the past half-century or so has a man been able to verify without a doubt that his kids were undeniably his. Because of this, its easy to understand why we hold relatively chaste chicks in higher regard than wanton women. Its kind of hard to take someones word that “it’s yours” if you know they’ve already slept with the entire 2024 AFC pro bowl roster
3. Men are natural explorers and discoverers, and no man wants to claim some scorched earth thats already been explored and discovered by the next n*ggas tribe.
Thing is, none of these oft-cited reasons directly address the most important element in all of this, the real logic behind the continued animus towards wanton women, the driving force behind the boy from the story canceling the date plans: our dicks.
You see, for a woman to truly understand how neurotic men can be about our own sexual prowess/performance, take your hang-ups about your body, your weight, and your hair, combine them, and multiply them by ten.
Why is this important?
Well, if a woman’s been “around”, its assumed that she’s been exposed to an array of different people, penises, and sexual practices and positions. in the (typical) man’s mind, this exaggerated sexual experience means that there’s an increased chance that he’ll be unable to please her, and, subsequently, unable to keep her faithful. This is the main reason why most savvy men learn to adapt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy if they’re really into someone, but would have had serious trouble even getting to the “really into her” point if he was made privy to her past. Even if this thought-process is completely off-base and untrue, we tie so much of our self-worth into our ability to satisfy the woman we care about that even the assumption that a woman might be sexually unpleasable automatically makes her unwifeable.
Who knows, maybe one day things will be different, and women will possess the same relatively unstigmatized freedom to act on their sexual whims that we currently do.
Until then, my advice for all the “easy e/erickas” of the world? build a time machine. if that doesnt work, just date reggie bush